Alternating Darkness and Light
©Kathy Smith: April 1995 - Schizophrenia Digest

At 22, Maurizio Baldini was an aspiring lawyer. A second year law student in the top quarter of his class at the University of British Columbia, his life was full of academic pursuits, social functions, and physical activities. But nothing prepared him for the devastating illness that lay ahead.

"It came right out of the blue, within a matter of days and without warning," he says. "I started thinking funny. I would hear the traffic noise outside where I was living, and I started assuming that it had some special significance." As he became more delusional, he thought he might be delirious with the flu. "I went to bed hoping it would go away, but it only got worse," he says.

The next day, he was driving with a friend, a second year medical student, who noticed that something was wrong. Baldini tried to hide what was happening to him. He decided to stay overnight at his friend's house; both of them had classes to attend the next day. When he awoke, instead of making his way to the university, he ended up walking the streets of Vancouver.

"I thought I was a very important person. I thought it was possible that I had become Prime Minister overnight," he says. "I would get on a bus and get off at the next stop. I went to church and thought there was some religious reason why I was sent there." Throughout the day, he searched the streets for solutions to the delusions he was experiencing.

Eventually, he found himself in the back yard tennis court of someone's home. "I was convinced I had been transported 20 years into the future and that I owned the place." Subsequently, the police were called. When asked if he knew who he was and where he lived, he was only able to provide them with a previous address.

An ambulance was called for, and Baldini was taken to the Vancouver General Hospital emergency department. He was eventually admitted to the psychiatric assessment unit for observation. While in his room, he became paranoid and started hearing voices. "I thought hospitals were places in which you were killed, not healed," he says.

He found the voices very frightening; they gave him demonic, distorted views of reality. "They (voices) had a lot of meaning. They were saying things to my spirituality. I couldn't control them by thinking of something different. They seemed so real."

After a two-week stay in the hospital, Baldini returned to UBC. But this time, school was different. Due to medication, he was sleeping 18 hours a day, which impaired his concentration. At times it would take him over an hour to read one page in a textbook. Though the illness was taking its toll, he continued to pursue his dream of finishing law school.

With the help of his doctor, he was able to have his exams postponed, and in 1978, he graduated from the UBC Faculty of Law. Shortly thereafter he wrote the bar exam, but his life had changed dramatically. Since his hospitalization, he had lost friends, gained weight, and found himself very depressed and unmotivated.

In 1980, he moved to Victoria where he decided to open a law practice. By this time, he had been on various medications for three years. After his doctor explained that the chances of a relapse occurring might be the same with or without medication, he decided to try going without. For the next five years, he lived a relatively normal life. He got married, had a child, and continued to practice law. But in 1985, with the pressures of work and marital difficulties, he fell ill. Once again he was hospitalized, this time for a period of six weeks. He had to take medication again, and it was some time before he adjusted to it. Following the acute stages of the episode, his marriage ended, and he gave up practicing law.

Though it seemed that his life had fallen apart, a positive new challenge presented itself. He became a founding member of the Victoria Branch of the B.C. Friends of Schizophrenics Society, now known as the BC Schizophrenia Society. He began giving presentations on schizophrenia at local high schools, which initiated the course of public education and advocacy he has been involved with ever since.

Since 1985, he has sat on various consumer committees and has been instrumental in voicing opinions and recommendations for consumers in homes, hospitals, and other living situations. In 1992, he was appointed by the BC Health Minister to the Board of Trustees for Riverview Hospital, British Columbia's largest psychiatric institution. He also sits on the Provincial Mental Health Consumer Council and is a founding director of ACE (Association for Consumer Empowerment), a non-profit society activity centre for persons with mental illness.

With all the projects Baldini has undertaken in the last few years, helping to educate people about schizophrenia brings him the most satisfaction. Since 1992, he has worked on contract with BCSS as a mental health educator with the British Columbia Ministry of Health.

Together with his colleagues, he has traveled throughout BC giving information about schizophrenia. he has helped people in many communities to discover the partnership concept of consumers, families, and professionals working together toward mental wellness. "The more people I talk to, the more they realize I am just a human being with a disorder," he says. "I encourage people to ask questions for their own information. It helps put a face on the disease.

During the past year, due to fewer side effects, Baldini has stabilized well on his current medication. "Medication is the primary treatment for schizophrenia. Once the medication is under control, you can work on the other areas of your life." He credits his partner of five years with assisting his emotional well being. "She has stood by me through the good and bad."

Baldini says that he is fortunate enough to heed the early warning signs of an impending episode. "A lot of people can't see the signs, and that's the scary part. The disease can be cyclical; relapses can happen any time," he explains. "Living with schizophrenia can be devastating, but people can lead relatively normal lives between episodes."